


A Granted and Regretted Wish

by Sandra296



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, Major Injury, Mind Control, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandra296/pseuds/Sandra296
Summary: Felix's wish that he could defeat Byleth one day came true in a manner he never wanted.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 3
Kudos: 99
Collections: Felix/Byleth_Golden_Deer





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just inspired by some basic points in the gameplay:  
> 1)The underground force has the ability to make people attack everyone around;  
> 2)Felix's brother died in a similar event;  
> 3)Felix had wished for surpassing Byleth on swordplay one day.

“You and I both know it’s a close match and the result could easily be the other way around.” As they were catching breaths after intense sparring, Felix said. “I’ve beaten you this time, but I’m still far from surpassing you as a whole.”

Byleth’s lips moved a bit, but nothing came out for a while. Finally, she replied, “I’m happy for your progress. I believe you will be a master in swordsmanship one day, if you don't count yourself one already.”

“That’s it?” Somehow this remark, the appropriate plainness within it irritated Felix more than anything. “That’s all you want to say?”

"A hint of the wanted answer is well appreciated." Sarcasm was obvious in Byleth's words.

Felix was angry beyond words for a while. "You are tired of me dragging you to spar, aren't you? You are waiting for me to get bored, and find a stronger opponent so that I will no longer bother you, is that it?" He snapped. And stormed out.

On his way out, Claude gave him a strange look and a barely hidden half-smirk on his face.

As they took Anbarr, the end of this war once far from even imagination, seemed so near and it cost his sleep sometimes. Maybe Claude would become the king, but he didn't give a shit about Claude's ambition as long as it left him -- and people he cared -- alone. _Where would Byleth go? What would she do? Is the end of this war, so very much longed by the people of Fodlan who suffered and grieved under its toll, also the end of what bound Byleth and himself together? Did he have any excuse to stay by her side? Or would they drift apart, crossed blades discarded, shared moments sealed and changed words forgotten?_ These questioned haunted him in the night, during the endless moments as he lay awake on his bed; danced on the edge of his consciousness in the day, so despairingly short for him, with her presence around.

He regretted what he had just said as soon as the late-summer sunlight touched his face as soon as he stepped out from the training hall. It has become more and more difficult to keep a clear head around Byleth, at which he wasn't great even five and half years ago as a stupid teenager who had no idea about the nature of his turmoil of feelings towards Byleth. And did he have to bring up the part of surpassing Byleth at sword again and again? Had he not made himself probably the biggest fool in Fodlan by saying he didn't want romance with her, on that damn tower, five years ago?

He thought about going back and apologize to Byleth. He should. But how he hated the knowing and scheming look of Claude. So he didn't in the end.

* * *

Byleth watched in horror as Rhea in her dragon formed is struck by the pillars of lights and fell to the ground. She dashed to check on her, but halfway she heard a maniac laughing from the dying Thales.

"That's far from the end of our revenge!" He taunted, coughing.

Shit. She had forgotten what Jarelt had taught her: finish your enemy before help your allay. She turned sharply, reached for her sword and the tip surged forward, cutting defenseless Thales' throat. He stopped moving or speaking.

 _At least it's the end of you._ Thought Byleth viciously. She sheathed the sword of Creator and again turned to Rhea. Before she could move, someone screamed "move" before crushing into her squarely.

Byleth was thrown into the ground, rolling and disoriented. She jumped up the second she gained control of her body's movement.

She turned around and found Felix knelt on the spot she was on a moment ago, hands on the ground to support his body as if he could fall in any moment, shaking and laboriously breathing with a hunched back. The bright red trace of magic surrounded him. Instantly she knew Felix must have taken something aimed at her. Fear spiked in her heart.

Byleth rushed to his side, reaching for him. Felix recoiled as if burned. "Don't." The word came from his clamped teeth. Even at an arms-length, Byleth could hear clearly the sound of his breaths.

"Relax, Felix. I'm here to help you." Byleth tried to soothe him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Go!" Felix roared and threw her hand away, suddenly raising his head, brown eyes full of fire. "Get away from me! Something ... is ..." His words chocked. His shaking got even worse, his right arm shakingly and so slowly went for the swords on his belt, as if struggling for its control.

"Fe --" But the rest of what Byleth intended to say was lost forever. Felix's shaking stopped. His anguished expression was replaced by one of a cruel determination.

Their eyes met. By the sheer surviving instinct of a mercenary, Byleth rolled away and took out her sword in the blink-of-an-eye. She reached out for the Divine pulse internally but felt nothing. She must have exhausted it in the previous battle.

As someone went through countless battles, how could she not recognize the look? It was the look with a slaughtering in mind. With that, a horrifying realization dawned on her. Of what Thales meant his revenge.

The spell that could induced normal people into a killing beast, lost in bloodthirsty, never knowing whose body they were piercing and hacking.

Never relent. Never tire. **Until** themselves were cut down as well.

No. She would never allow that to become the end of Felix as long as she lived. She would -- must figure out a way to stop it. And Felix, or not-Felix, wasted no time coming at her. Byleth caught the sweeping on her sword, and staggered, sword almost struck free.

Felix was strong, no doubt, but the one she was fighting against was inhumanly strong. Byleth's heart sank with the realization that maybe she was no match for this.

His attacks came as the huge and icy raindrops in a storm, quick, ceaseless, ruthless. Byleth parried a second time, a third time, again and again.

But deep down she knew she was losing the fight. Each time their blades crossed, it left her hands numb and bones shaking from the impact. And with the impossible pace Felix attacking, she didn't even have a chance to strike back, and she would tire and eventually be too slow to defend herself.

Suddenly, Felix's movement slowed down, and with that, the expression again changed. "Finish it!" He -- the real Felix -- shouted, almost pleadingly, "Right now!" He fought so hard for the control of his own body, restraining his arms in a raised position and thus giving an opening to his chest to her.

"Never." Byleth snapped and instead aiming for his legs. Her swords slit an open wound on his thigh and her heart ached at the sight of his blood. But it was the lesser evil.

The next second, the Felix she knew -- loved -- disappeared again. The chance to stop it once and for all slipped away right from her fingers but she didn't regret it.

Byleth's other companions were outside and she was sure together they could defeat this maniac -- she refused to call the state Felix -- and the only price that could be paid here was her life. And it was acceptable to expend it in order to save Felix.

Her opponent resumed his relentless attacking, and the struggle of life and death renewed. Byleth reconsidered her options. She had hoped the wound to slow him down, giving her opening to disarm him at best, or to enclose him somewhere at least. But it didn't. Whatever that gave him extra strength was giving him extra endurance, she guessed. She hoped she didn't need to maim him but if the chance presented she would. Again, it was the lesser evil if Felix could survive.

If anything, the leg wound only enraged her opponent. His face was twisted with murderous fury, and his attacks become even more deadly. And Byleth was dangerously out of pace. An extremely vicious slash broke through her defense and landed hard on her arm armor. Even with the best quality metal to protect her arm, Byleth still felt something inside snapped and hot pain shot up through her arm. She tried to fend him off with only one hand on her sword, and he easily struck it free as if it was a child's play.

Byleth backed rapidly. At the corner of eyes, she saw someone in yellow was running their way but it was too late for the blade dashed out straightly towards her chest --


	2. Chapter 2

Felix was kneeling on the ground. All felt so surreal, like a dream.

Maybe it was a dream.

Felix saw Claude stood before him with the grimmest expression he had ever saw on this man.

"I'm sorry." Claude said.

Before Felix could ask why Claude was apologizing to him, he felt the gush of wind from his behind. He turned and just in time to see Hilda brought her axe down.

A pain burst on his head and darkness followed.

* * *

Felix heard the sounds of boots hitting the floor. Someone was pacing for one end to another, stopped. The sound of fraction, the person -- presumably a male -- turned and paced back.

"Really," A familiar voice sighed, coming from the same person who was pacing, "how hard did you hit him? I told you to be careful. If he never wakes up, I will blame it on you."

"Oh, you are most welcome." A female's voice replied. "Perhaps you should do it once yourself and make a perfect example for me the next time?"

"Once is not enough for you? How violent." The first voice spoke again.

"This is all you can do under the current situation?" A third voice criticized. "We faced enemy outside and heavy casualties within, yet you cannot quit squabbling for a second!"

"You are being unfair, Lorenz." The female voice -- Hilda -- complained. "Since none of us knows much about healing, we are just having nice and friendly conversations to pass time."

"I know healing," Lorenz argued haughtily. "It is me that healed the leg wound of Felix."

"As well as Linhardt or Mercedes?" The first voice -- Claude taunted.

"Or our lovely Marianne?" Hilda added.

Felix thought for a second about the situation. He was on a bed. His head was throbbing madly. He tried to think about what happened but his head felt like wrapped in wool tangles. He moved his limbs and gladly found there were all there. He opened his eyes and found himself in an unfamiliar room.

Claude, Hilda and Lorenz were all looking at him, exchanged a wired look between them.

"What happened?" He asked them hoarsely, knowing probably he was injured in the battle. However, if that was the case, why wasn't he in the infirmary? And he couldn't help a little pang of disappointment at the absence of a certain person.

Hilda announced to get him a cup of water and Lorenz murmured some duties before making his exit, which left only Claude in front of him.

"How much do you remember?" Claude asked him, almost cautiously.

The headache worsened. "Not much," Felix replied slowly. "We were fighting in the underground city, right? Byle -- I mean, Professor and Archbishop went into the hall in which Thales was hiding. I --" The pain spiked instantly as he tried to recall the aftermath. "I can't remember anything after that. Was I hit on the head?"

"Yes. To answer your question." Claude said thoughtful. _Is there anything to think carefully when we are talking about how was I hit on the head?_ A trace of distrust crept into Felix's mind. "Anyhow," Claude resumed his explanation, "Do you remember the Remire Village? The one that they created a wide-spread manic of killing?"

"Of course." How could he forget? It must have the same situation in which Glen died.

"You were hit by the dark magic. And Hilda knocked you out with the pole of her axe. And..." Claude sighed, " There are things I must explain to you. If you touch your writs --" Felix did and -- "You'll find there is metal chain between your wrists. It's not heavy but solid enough. And you may not recognize the room. It is designed for keeping people inside in a comfortable state. I'm so sorry about all of these. But it's my responsibility to keep everyone as safe as I can. And before Linhardt or Lysthea figures out the magic used on you and makes sure it never relapses, I have to do this. You know, no one has ever lived through this and it's not clear what happened to you."

Felix stared at him. The clog in his painful head ran languishingly, trying to digest what he just heard.

"I'm sorry," Claude repeated. "And if there is anything you need except tea or alcohol, book, cloth, food, name it and we will bring it for you."

"Thank you." Felix muttered.

"You don't need to thank. I can only hope you would forgive me." Claude answered quietly.

"I understand. It's the reasonable thing to do." Felix pointed out.

A while after Claude left, Hilda came in with a tray of food and water in her hands. Felix looked into the plate, bread, roasted chicken and grapes. There was only a spoon but no knife or fork, and the food was already cut into small pieces.

"I cut it for you," Hilda explained sheepishly in a small voice. "Claude said maybe we should wait before we are sure the magic is not triggered by touching sharp objects since you are--"

"Good at using them." Felix finished for her flatly. He stared at the food, appetite abnormally non-existent. It was not any food or cloth or book he wanted. "Where is Professor?"

"Lady Rhea was heavily injured when they were together in the hall and ..."

"Oh." Felix tried to stamp down the childish longing for Byleth to come to him.

"I'm sure she will come to visit you as soon as she can." Hilda said.

It was during eating that Felix realized he hadn't asked Claude if he had hurt anyone in the battle in his mind-controlled mania.

* * *

The next day Sylvain came to visit him, bringing a letter from Ingrid, who had never joined the Deer Class and returned home after Gronder. Felix half-heartedly listened Sylvain read the letter. Besides the letter, Sylvain also brought tea and desserts and said they were from Professor. Felix drank the tea.

It was sickeningly sweet and fragrant.

He sat the cup down, keeping his expression neutral. And reached for a piece of cookie.

The cookie was also very sweet.

A foretelling fear rose within him. But Felix controlled the feeling and naturally started a conversation with Sylvain. _After all, the art of pretending you were not performing is the essential perk of Golden Deer._ And he picked that up to a little degree. Sylvain took out a set of chess inside the room and Felix played with him.

"Is the tea really from Professor?" Felix asked casually during one move of Sylvain, who dropped his chess and that was all the answer Felix sought.

"I should have known you are not so easily deceived on this." Sylvain sighed, flashing him a sad smile. "After all, you two... Never mind."

"What. Are. You. Not. Telling. Me?" Felix glared at Sylvain.

"I hide nothing from you." Sylvain replied ruefully.

"Is she alive or ..." Felix balled his fists, unable to finish his sentence.

"It's complicated." Sylvain began to rub his wild-grass-like red hair.

Felix punched the table. The chess pieces jumped up. "She is either alive or not!" He snapped. "How fucking complicated can it be, even for you?"

"You hear Rhea's been heavily injured, right?" Hearing no response, Sylvain continued. "As far as I know, Professor is not in good shape, either. The thing is, Claude is hiding the information from most of us, except a few like Hilda and Seteth. "

"Why --"

"I ... cannot really blame his actions." Sylvain sighed again. "Comprehensiveness has never been the Alliance' strong suit, not to mention Claude just revealed himself as a half-Alryman. The Empire is newly defeated. And there are people in our old kingdom holding unfriendly opinions towards the new take-over.

"Professor is not only our Professor, think about it, Felix. If rescuing Rhea means restoring the old-time's peace and orderliness, then having Professor, the woman people believed to be the chosen of Goddess, stands for future and hope. If both of the pillars disappear ... I think anarchy will follow."

There was nothing wrong with Sylvain's reasoning. But Felix didn't give a shit about whether Fodlan was going to hell. All he cared about was -- "I want to see her." He said.

Sylvain looked at him sadly. "I wish I could too."

"Take me to her. Please." Felix almost begged. He never did that to anyone. But being kept in a room while Byleth was in danger somewhere he couldn't see? He would anything other than suffering this.

"I will tell you as soon as I pry anything out. Promise. That's all I can do." Sylvain answered.

* * *

The nightmare of moving out of his control broke the second his sword penetrated Byleth's body. The invisible reigns inside himself loosened and gave away. He was himself again. He was free.

But the nightmares' end was merely a start for another far more unbearable of its own kind.

Felix stood frozen as she fell. _It isn't true. This is not happen--_ The sound of her body struck the ground brought him back to reality. He dashed and knelt at her side, his heart beating wildly and his hands shook as he turned Byleth on her back. He began to chant the healing spell but it was so damn useless. He was so useless. Her blood gushed from the wound and tainted everything.

The emerald eyes were gazing into his face. In the short interval before his second attempt to stop bleeding, he saw her bloodied lips moved.

"...not your fault." He heard her whisper. Her hand moved to lay on his in the meanwhile, leaving a bloody smear on his sleeve. With that, her hand fell down to the side limply, and her eyes closed. Everything inside him almost came to a stop.

Felix screamed Byleth's name and pooled all of his willpower into the healing spell. And watched in despair as nothing changed except her breath became more and more shallow, slow.

A shadow fell on her and Felix looked up, saw Claude stood before him with the grimmest expression he had ever seen on this man.

"I'm sorry." Claude said.

He turned and just in time to see Hilda brought her axe down.

Felix opened his eyes suddenly. He was in his temporary room, and there was neither Claude or Byleth in his sight. Silver moonlight slipped through from a high and narrow window, illuminating his blanket.

Was it a dream? Or was it a memory breaking surface? He had nightmares of known people falling in battles, very occasionally and he was not much bothered by such dreams. But no dreams could reach the degree of clarity, the linearity of logic of this one.

 _You were hit by the dark magic. And Hilda knocked you out with the pole of her axe._ Claude said.

 _Lady Rhea was heavily injured when they were together in the hall and ... I'm sure she will come to visit you as soon as she can._ Hilda's voice echoed in his mind's ear.

Claude said nothing about the time frame between he was struck with the manic magic and knocked by Hilda. Hilda said nothing about the actual state of Byleth.

 _As far as I know, Professor is not in good shape, either._ Sylvain said.

The "nightmare", or the remaining of his broken memory was the last piece of a puzzle falling to place. And with this realization, a soundless scream broke free from him and tears followed. He was a realistic person and he didn't believe anyone could survive from the injury. It was not even the torsor, but the lower chest that he shoved his blade into! He felt a boiling-hot physical pain himself at the thought of this memory.

He curled in the bed and cried. The ring he made secretly might never be seen by her, the lines he practised a hundred times, and wished he never had to say it aloud in the meanwhile, might never be heard.

 _Not your fault._ Was it really what she said? Or it was that his mind, crazily craving for forgiveness, manifested it. Of course **it was his fault**. If he was careful enough not to be hit by the magic, if he was not at the battle, if he was not so good at swordplay, even if he had not made the fucking wish at the Tower that he would one day be better at sword than her, then things would not end up like this. If.

The sorrow was drowning him. He let the tears run until the moonlight grew dimmer and dimmer, and fell into an exhausted and torturous sleep with the first white light of dawn.

* * *

The guard who was usually stationed at the front door knocked and sent in Felix's breakfast. Felix refused the food and asked to see Claude. Felix knew he probably looked like shit but he didn't care if he looked good in people's eyes. Not to Claude at least and probably not to anyone anymore.

Claude came. "So you remembered." He cut to the point.

"I want to know --"

"Yes Teach is alive." Claude gave him a little wary smile.

How was that possible? The image of Byleth lying in her blood crossed Felix's mind.

Sensing his distrust, Claude told him about the crest stone of Sothis. And it explained everything err from the moment Byleth took up the Sword of Creator.

"But even Seteth doesn't know if, or when Teach will wake up. The sleeping was keeping her alive. The worst possibility is that when she wakes up, we all are demented old people or dead."

"She is alive." Felix repeated numbly, not quite understanding the latter part of Claude's words, for the news lifted him from his previous misery and took him into a blank space. Byleth was alive and nothing could be bad for him. That was all he could hope for.

But was it true? He was kept inside a room so Claude had no reason to lie to him, right? But again, knowing Claude, the self-called master of scheme, frankness or honesty could never be expected in full. The doubt gawn at his inside. He spent another day, perhaps more since he had not a clear track of days, restless.

* * *

He dreamed of the horrible scene again. And this time there was no Claude or Hilda, only him and a Byleth stopped breathing, in the ruins.

He knelt beside her, the warm and sticky blood sipped through his pants, burning his flesh. Again and again, he used the healing spell on Byleth, but no matter how much magic he put into his spell, it was in vain and the life drained away could not be restored.

Finally he gave up and tears broke the dam. Why are you doing this to me, Byleth? He thought furiously. I haven't even got the chance to ask --

 _Felix._ Her voice was in his mind all of a sudden.

"Is this your ghost?" Felix choked out. "Byleth?" Speaking her name was so fucking difficult for him.

 _No, this is only a dream. Wake up Felix._ The voice spoke again.

Someone was shaking him and saying things he couldn't quite understand. Through the blurred eyes he could make out a green-haired person in a white robe or gown standing beside his bed.

He sat up and blinked. It was no one else but Byleth. A powerful longing enclosed his heart and damn tears welled up again. It must be another dream. Or he was losing his mind. For the real Byleth would never staring at him with genuine concern written all over her face. Not after what he had done.

She tried to wipe his tears with a sleeve and he turned his face away. "Stop that." And this simple movement pained him for every tiny part of his body was screaming to shorten the distance between them.

 _Stop what?_ The dream image asked him.

"Being nice to me." Felix croaked out.

 _I wish it is something I can have control too._ The image replied dryly.

"I don't deserve y-- this. But stay with me. Please." He murmured.

His dream image -- illusion -- sighed. _You did nothing wrong._ And it sat down at his bedside next to him.

Felix frowned at it wincing and covering a hand to the spot that he ran his fucking sword through. Something was not right. A thought slowly took form in his foggy head.

"You are real." He blurted out, not knowing if it was true.

"What are you talking about? Never mind. Let me get you out of this chain first. Claude has gone too far in his prevention method, really." Byleth took a key to his wrist.

Felix took hold of her hand, stopping her in the midway. It felt so good to have her hand in his, but it was hardly the high time to enjoy the closeness. It was slightly cold but solid enough to belong to a living person. He inhaled sharply. He bit his lips hard and it hurt. People usually doesn't feel pain in dreams. He let go of her hand and stood up in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" He questioned.

Byleth was taken back for a few moments. "Check up on you, Felix. You are not doing well --"

It suddenly ignited his anger. "I'm not doing well? **I'm not doing well?** " His voice almost went too high for him to speak. "You are in no fucking position to say anyone else is or isn't in good shape! You almost died! And I watched it! You can't just get up from your bed, walk around and say things like this!"

Byleth's face remained calm but a stubborn glint flashed through her eyes. "I'll be alright. You're hit by a spell unknown to us. You are imprisoned inside a set of rooms. You are not eating enough and I can see you've lost weight even under this light. And you are having nightmares, aren't you? Am I not allowed to be concerned about your well-being?"

"No, you are not. I don't deserve."

"Why are you so insistent to take the blame upon yourself? It's not your intention, no -- it's not you. You are controlled."

"I can't stand the notion that I've wounded you so severely. It doesn't matter if it was my willing or not." Felix answered quietly.

"It matters to me."

"Not to me." He was on the edge of tears again. By the Goddess, why did he have to be such a cry baby around her? He wordlessly let her open the lock of the chain and set it down. Then she brought him into a hug. He returned it and selfishly treasured the warmth of her body and the softness of her hair. He knew he didn't deserve it but he could not let go such a bliss. Heavenly. He didn't believe in the shit of the afterlife in heaven but he guessed those who came up with the idea first had their inspiration somewhere.

He didn't realize he was crying again until Byleth was gently soothing him, murmuring reassuring words and caressing his back. He was so, so close to saying 'I love you' but restrained himself in the last second. Felix clined to her like a drowning person clung to a drifting wood, but eventually his sobbing subdued and a sense of calm, which he had not felt for such a long time, returned to him. They stayed there for a while.

"You should go back and have more rest." He said into her hair, suddenly felt ashamed for his display of weakness. "How long have you being awake? No, forget I asked. Who the hell just decided it is a good idea to let you wander around?"

She snorted. "Yet you are tightening your arms. Your body speaks more truth than your tongue."

Felix let go hurriedly and felt lucky she couldn't see his red face in the dark. "Did you come here alone or someone escort you?"

"No. I came here alone. Can I ... stay here tonight?"

Felix felt his face grew even hotter. "Of course. Take the bed, and I will find somewhere else."

"That, unfortunately, makes me staying pointless." Byleth smiled at him. And his heart bet too wildly for this sight. It took all of his remaining pathetic willpower not to cup her face between his hands and crush his lips on hers. "I'm suggesting ... maybe we can share the bed?"

Felix froze.

"Oh, it is not like _that._ " Byleth clearly suppressed a laugh. "It's just... maybe it will help your bad dreams if you wake up and see me near you?"

Felix sternly chastised himself for feeling a bit disappointed. _She just woke up from a deadly injury, you beast._ He nodded to Byleth, not trusting his language. The bed was wide enough for two people, anyway.

He watched Byleth took a spot and climbed onto it himself. Byleth's hand searched for his under the blanket and he gently pulled her into an embrace. She didn't resist but nudged his jaw with her head. He knew it was selfish, it was undeserving, not to mention totally wrong.

But it was the happiest moment he had for a very, very long time.


	3. Chapter 3

Byleth persuaded Claude to get Felix out of the house arrest. He was reluctant for a while, but knowing they needed all strength they had to defeat Nemesis, he gave away.

"Don't put yourself in life-threatening danger again, Teach." Claude said in a light-hearted tone, "If you die, all that we've been working on would be meaningless."

"You overrate me, Claude." Byleth stretched her body and felt minimal pain from the wound, which was a good sign and meant she could be back on the training ground in no time and face Memesis eventually. "And I guess there is always a price all must pay for what they can't stand losing."

She kept a close eye on Felix since then. He appeared...functioning, at least. He attended training, spoke up in their military meetings, did his duties such as cooking or gardening in spare time normally as everyone else, spoke in clear mind and behaved in his normal too straightforward and close to rude manners.

But he was not in any good state, that much Byleth could tell. He was visibly paler and thinner than before, and even more aloof from everyone else. Another telltale was that he kept away from his favorite weapons at an arm's length.

He sparred with wooden fists with Raphe and was beaten totally. He practiced archery with Claude, Ignatz and Leonie, and was no near match to any of them. He even asked Hilda to coach him axe and Ferdinand jumped out of nowhere to take Hilda's place, which Felix tolerated with admirably stoic spirit while Lorenz stood watching and commenting all the time. And he even took up a spear to spar with Sylvain and lost it. The outcome was indeed a rare highlight in all of Sylvain's record in Academy.

He could rely on his magic, but Byleth knew he took much pride in his physical strength and speed to give it up.

* * *

One day Byleth decided she had let Felix experiment enough and approached him, who was sitting on the ground with a blank face. Felix's eyes darted from her, the wooden sword on her hands.

"No." He snapped before she even asked.

"I understand it makes you uncomfortable to spar with me, but you can still use the sword to fight with others."

Silence was her answer.

"How about Catherine and Petra? They are good, too."

"It is not the problem of 'whom' I spar with, but the moment I take a sword up ..." He frowned, "Don't you dare to pull bullshit like this isn't my fault again. It is."

"Do you ... by any chance, have the memory of ... before?" Byleth asked tentatively.

"Great. Now you are making me **remember** it."

Byleth sat down beside him, it would be easier to say it without looking at Felix. "I said the words and I mean it. It was supposed to hit me ... the spell that made you attack indiscriminately. You took it for me. If it has to be anyone's fault, it is mine."

"I didn't remember that." Felix said after a while.

"Can you let your self-attack go now, then?"

"Maybe. But it takes time, I suppose." Felix said.

"Fair enough." Byleth smiled in partial relief. "However, don't push yourself though we have Memesis to fight. I don't like the idea that putting you in the front line, in case they make you into that state again."

"Noted." Felix was strangely obedient in giving up fighting.

* * *

It was no easy task to keep the distance from the person you had feelings about, that much Felix learned recently. More so if the said person had no insight about this at all.

Byleth asked him to tea, to lunch or dinner, and even to walk around the town outside the monastery, and he refused her each and every time. The disappointment in her green eyes hurt him, yet she never learned giving up and kept asking him the next chance appeared.

If daytime was torture, then nighttime was several times worse. Insomnia and nightmare took their turns. The night he spent with Byleth curled into him was the only time he did feel rested. He knew if he asked, Byleth was most likely to help him in the same manner again and again, but which was the exact reason he swore not to ask her.

He had given up the notion of confessing his ... attachment to her, and buried the ring deep inside his box, not sure what to do with it. He couldn't give a clear rationale for this decision. Perhaps it was because he hoped that she returned the feeling for who he was, not for a sense of responsibility or worse, pity. Perhaps it was because he didn't want her to near anything that caused harm to her, including himself.

Claude and most of their companions were out this weekend, and the rest were scattered in the dining hall, the training ground or the library, which left the dorm unoccupied. Felix woke from another dream of him attacking Byleth in the underground city, and realized it was another piece of memory revealed to him.

In this dream/memory, he was struggling to regain control of his body and succeed in immobilizing it. He remembered calling out to Byleth to kill, and she refused, stupidly cut his legs to slow him down.

Once he gave it a few thoughts, Felix became furious with her choice, as if he had not been angry enough with her caring him. _How could she treat her life like there was so little value in it, by trying to help the one that almost succeeded in taking it?_ And when he opened his door, he just saw her walking in the hallway towards him. Perfect timing.

"Forget about your tea party, or lunch, or any trivia you have in mind." Felix cut in before Byleth had any chance to speak. "Why didn't you take the chance to finish it? back at the-- you know what I mean."

"It is pretty obvious, Felix." She explained calmly as if they were in a class. "I will not give up on saving you if I have the chance."

"Of course you can say that **now.** " Felix snapped. "But how can you know there is a chance to stop me **back then?** "

"I don't."

"Then you could have been killed by me and me by others! Which would make your death worth nothing! Have this ever crossed your mind?"

"Of course." Byleth was still infuriatingly calm.

"You are throwing your life away for the sake of mine! How could you -- how dare you --"

"There is no other option for me, Felix." She sighed. "I love you and it's not like that I can control --"

The rest of her words were muffled under Felix's crushing lips. He bit her lips and Byleth hissed, trying to pull away. With his hand cupped on the back of her head steadily, there was no escaping for her. His other hand pressed at her back, pinning her both soft and solid warmness against his frame. The simple contact of her made him aroused and it couldn't be more wrong, for the impulse that made him do what his reasoning mind shouted stop, was fueled by white-hot fury.

The kiss went on until he felt Byleth out of breath. He reluctantly parted from her lips and felt his blood rushing in his ears and light on the head himself. The red and shinning lips, combined with her surprised look, dragged him deeper in his lust. The anger inside him only made him crave the feeling of her skin, of her, even more.

He grabbed her hand and strode for his room. Then it became chaos, Felix didn't know if he pushed her or if Byleth tripped him, they ended up on his bed, lips locked in an aggressive kiss, limbs tangled.

He rolled onto the top, unsure what to do for a moment. Then he saw the crystal green eyes gazing into his, just as what she did when she was dying. Anger and angst came at their full strength. Felix sat up, legs stranded on both sides of Byleth, then tore off his gloves and cloak, and flipped them to the floor, never breaking the eye contact.

He quickly exposed her front flesh into the air. Had he been not so angry, he would take time to appreciate such a rare and enticing scene. But he was, so he growled and wasted no time and licked and bit at her collar, leaving red marks all the way down to her breast. His marks.

Byleth let out a breathy moan when he took one nipple into his mouth and mercilessly teased the other with his hand. She arched her back upwards encouragingly, which greatly boosted his confidence in submerging her in pleasure. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of her hands was moving to the lower part of her body. And he held her wrist and pinned it down.

Felix's other hand tore her shorts down. He pressed fingers to her private part and saw her torsor tightened in pleasure. He continued his exploring around the opening, and felt her wetness onto his hand. He paused, only to free his length.

Byleth was about to sit up when he came back, caging her between his body and the mattress. He pushed her back and kissed her lips roughly, grinding his hips at the same time.

"Felix." She murmured his name, and he didn't need her saying a second time to push in.

Then he lost himself in the heated and frenzy movement, her warmness overwhelmed his sensory. He was only dimly aware of her green locks spread around, her hands clutched at his back and her breathy moans. The lean muscle of her bicep was pinned under his hands, covered by a thin layer of sweat.

Their climax came shortly and he let out an almost strangled cry. After that, he stayed there, only bending down to kiss and bit her again. But this time he did it gently, and flushed at her chuckling.

Felix looked at Byleth's swollen lips, the string of red marks on her front. Guilt crept up. He had little experience with women, but even with the pathetic knowledge he had about romance, he doubted this was an appropriate start.  
  
Their eyes met. But her eyes were tender and calm, without any trace of anger or resentment. With the unearthly green hair tangled around her face, spreading on **his** pillow, the eyes looked as if they belong to no mortal but a divine creature.  
  
_What was he doing? First he almost killed her, now he was taking her so forcibly. But again, what was she doing? Giving up the chance to preserve her life, and let him take this barbaric -- if not brute -- action on her?_  
  
"Why?" He asked, feeling no need to clarify it.  
  
"I don't think it really needs to be explained to you," Byleth smiled sorrowfully. "It is the same as you took the hit for me, the same as you asked me to kill you so I can save myself."  
  
Felix fell silent and lied down to her side, burying his nose in her hair and circling an arm around her waist. No matter how intimate they were just a moment ago, the plain contact of skin on skin made another wave of longing well up in his heart as he tightened his arm, just like the night she appeared out of air beside his bed. It was then he realized this would never be enough for him. He would want this till the last day of his life. And he had no control or what so ever of this longing.  
  
_I love you and I have no control of it._ Wasn't it what Byleth had just said? His fingers roamed on her warm skin and touched the scar unintentionally. The fact and memory that he was used to kill her would burden him for a while, perhaps a year, a decade or even longer. But as long as he can be at her side, it didn't matter much.  
  
"You have been quiet for a while," Byleth commented with the back of her head facing him. "If...if you've already regretted, we can both pretend nothing happened today. All you need to do is to ask."  
  
"Don't you dare!" Weak threatening slipped out of his mouth while his mind was filled with strong pleadings that never would be said. "You said it, Byleth. It can't be undone. And you must keep your promise."  
  
Byleth turned to his side, an eyebrow raised. "Promise? I don't remember I've promised anything."  
  
Felix stared at her serious face until a tiny smirk surfaced at her lips. Already this damn woman was teasing him. He wanted to kiss her till breathless so she could not pull her wicked tricks on him again. Then he realized it was not fair for he had not said his part.  
  
"Byleth," He inhaled to calm his fast-beating heart, "I --"  
  
"Shh." Byleth put a finger on his lips and Felix restrained himself from licking it. "Leave it till another day," She rolled her eyes but laughing so merrily, which was a sight that made Felix's chest felt eerily full and warm. "I don't want to hear it half-undressed. At least, not for the first time."  
  
"As you wish." He took her hand and kissed it gently.

**Author's Note:**

> Felix/Byleth ship is so underrated that I have to write something to entertain my Felileth feelings...  
> Comments are welcome.


End file.
